Becoming pregnant is a lot like morphing into a werewolf. If you don't believe me, you're a man.
When we begin to house womb humans, not so funny things start to happen. For starters...Growing hair. Everywhere. The hair from our heads starts to resemble friggin Rupunzel but in my fairy tale I pity anyone that climbed up there to save me. For the following reason..
Problemo número dos: hormones. Hormones is derived from "hor" meaning horrible and mones, also known as "moans of misery" GAHD DAMN! It's funny the pet peeves you think you have as a semi-sane and regular person. I assure you, when your uterus becomes a landlord you no longer think rationally and the oddest things become your greatest hates. I, for one, could not...COULD NOT smell old spice wolf something or other (body wash scent) without actually going into a fit of rage. No exaggeration, I made Hitler look like Annie. Even now, I have PTSD like reactions to it. Justin isn't allowed to but it anymore without risking excorcism style reaction. As I wrote that, I got the visual and scared myself.
I don't think I cried a lot as a human driveway but having a baby parked behind my now enormous belly button was awfully trying at times. Like when I tried to get into double XL spandex and couldn't. Who the fack can't get into stretch pants?! This friggin heffer that's who and after 7 months of only craving twix and orange juice, you know why you're fatter than you need to be and just had material INTENDED FOR BIG ASSES REMIND YOU!! Yeah. THAT will make you lose your mind, I don't give a happy crap who you are.
If any gentlemen or women disagree, I hope at some point you have to expel a cactus and then I will tell you you're overreacting.
Come at me, bro.
