all week i'd been looking forward to going out on a "first date" with a boy. so by the time Friday came around I was kinda pumped, made sure I was dressed nice, got my hair shiny, face tan, the right perfume to accent my deodorant and underwear that wouldn't give me wedgies were on. starting the night off right? check.
so he came to pick me up, i say he was late, he says he was giving me extra time- jury's still out on that one. but either way, im just glad he showed. i have it in my head that when a nice person wants to spend time with me that it's gonna end up like that drew barrymore movie when her prom date (the popular hot guy) goes to pick her up and throws eggs at her while his real date watches and laughs. i dont look good in egg so i'm thankful it didnt go that way.
so we went to a nice sushi place where i quickly learned- i really dont know how to use chop sticks, luckily i can use the line "i'm from the county" and using my fingers is acceptable. he however, was a friggin chop stick ninja and was whipping shit up like no problem. ahh, he's so skilled. after i finished the sake (this girl clearly has a drinkin problem) and whatever i could get my fingers on (quite literally) we went off to watch some comics. out of the three that performed, only one really stood out but it was nice to laugh- i think that's the best thing you can do with someone.. is laugh. if you can't laugh at the same things your days together are going to suck. one of the acts called us out though. Pointed and said "hey you look like fun" and proceeded to ask us questions about whether or not we were married, dating, met online; etc.. the usual questions you ask strangers. i figured that would happen though because it' smy life and what would a night out be without a little embarrassment. The show went on and the vodka ginger ales were rolling like a friggin delicious avalanche into my belly. I should have been paying more attention but I was having fun so I wasn't.... my mistake.
After the show we went to grab more drinks at a local bar and sit out on the patio. the weather was just right so it was nice to be getting fresh air, and more vodka. it's at this point a group of people walk by he's familiar with and one invited us to a club with them.. my first reaction was "ew, eff that place" and continued to point of, very matter of factly, why I thought that was a bad idea.. thinking he's agreeing with me i say "you know what i'm saying?" and his reply was "that's my club" in my Svedka state i thought he meant it like "that's my jam" or "that's my favorite sandwhich" so I kept going... then he clarified "no, i own it". you really can't come back from that so i just told him i liked their website and immediately excused myself from the conversation.
i dont know why i was still invited to attend but I was happy to be part of the bottle service.. with vodka. I should have just stuck to drinking the cranberry juice but it takes better with a little kick. Once that part is over- I decided it was a good time to go visit my girlfriends and my date, being the sweet person he is, obliged.
today was not so sweet. nor was this afternoon. but after i took my BAP (bath nap) and drank a copious amount of ginger ale, i felt awful. yeap, bet you thought this story would have a happy ending... wrong.
after all that debauchery, my unfiltered, sometimes off putting mouth and rough exterior he still held my hair back and my hand.
awwww.
6.02.2012
5.31.2012
5.30.2012
A hard to forget Memorial Day weekend
So I guess I should recap what this weekend entailed as some of the things I've seen have been forever burned into the back of my eyes.
It started out great, felt really motivated so I got my work out on, did the shake thing and kicked hypothetical ass. I picked up a cute, but very hungover boy and head to the beach with some friends where we lost a dog, found out how popular lesbians are and saw the world's most busted women make out with a man and finally ended the night by watching said woman dance on a pole... in public.... for free) Now, I don't want to sound catty but this woman was the female version of a horrific car accident wrapped in a Hawaiian print skirt that only covered everything below the bellybutton. Which would've been fine if she was as svelte and physically beautiful as her obviously blind boyfriend thought. But I digress... Sunday consisted of going back to the beach.. where we saw a couple sitting under a tent. Can we slow down here and all come to an agreement that bringing a god damn tent to a beach is NAHT okay. If you don't want to be in the sun you have some options. For instance you could stay indoors, you could tour a cave, maybe fall into the depths of the woman I was just mentioning, she looked like she had room for more-- really anything not outside will save you from it. So please, don't do it because without a doubt you will ruin someone else's day. Monday was great....lots of boys, booze, my bitches and bad decisions but all ended quite swell and if I could repeat it over and over I would.
And then today happened.
It's not one of those days where anything particular happened to cause me to wish I was allowed to hit people with my car, but I definitely had to make sure I had the brake on good when letting pedestrians through the cross walk. Again, let's pause together. For anyone out there who walks... pick up the speed. If a vehicle capable of running your ass down and out is stopping EVER SO KINDLY to let you pass, pick up the pace grandma and get those cheeks out of my damn way. It shouldn't take more than 10 seconds to cross a street. IF you are elderly and it does take between 10 and 20 seconds to cross the street-- you shouldn't be doing it alone anyway and therefore I should revert back to my being "The Reporter" and call somebody in Elder Services on you.... God knows you'd STILL be in the road by the time I was done.
Old people do the weirdest things.. I saw one blow a snot rocket today. LITERALLY. I was sitting on my back porch waiting for my next door neighbor to come out so I could stare uncomfortably while she talked to her sister (ya know, the usual) when this tall sweaty beast man came jogging by..fast enough to sweat, slow enough to judge. I could hear him swishing up past my house though, friggin wind suit gave him away, when the swishing slowed and I saw his hand reach up with enough form to say "hey world, we've done this before", to his nose and with one gasping breath that son of a bee sting pushed forth what could only be described by the sounds of gagging. Then he checked to make sure he didn't hit himself with it, picked his pace back up and kept going.
I wish he would've been crossing the street...
It started out great, felt really motivated so I got my work out on, did the shake thing and kicked hypothetical ass. I picked up a cute, but very hungover boy and head to the beach with some friends where we lost a dog, found out how popular lesbians are and saw the world's most busted women make out with a man and finally ended the night by watching said woman dance on a pole... in public.... for free) Now, I don't want to sound catty but this woman was the female version of a horrific car accident wrapped in a Hawaiian print skirt that only covered everything below the bellybutton. Which would've been fine if she was as svelte and physically beautiful as her obviously blind boyfriend thought. But I digress... Sunday consisted of going back to the beach.. where we saw a couple sitting under a tent. Can we slow down here and all come to an agreement that bringing a god damn tent to a beach is NAHT okay. If you don't want to be in the sun you have some options. For instance you could stay indoors, you could tour a cave, maybe fall into the depths of the woman I was just mentioning, she looked like she had room for more-- really anything not outside will save you from it. So please, don't do it because without a doubt you will ruin someone else's day. Monday was great....lots of boys, booze, my bitches and bad decisions but all ended quite swell and if I could repeat it over and over I would.
And then today happened.
It's not one of those days where anything particular happened to cause me to wish I was allowed to hit people with my car, but I definitely had to make sure I had the brake on good when letting pedestrians through the cross walk. Again, let's pause together. For anyone out there who walks... pick up the speed. If a vehicle capable of running your ass down and out is stopping EVER SO KINDLY to let you pass, pick up the pace grandma and get those cheeks out of my damn way. It shouldn't take more than 10 seconds to cross a street. IF you are elderly and it does take between 10 and 20 seconds to cross the street-- you shouldn't be doing it alone anyway and therefore I should revert back to my being "The Reporter" and call somebody in Elder Services on you.... God knows you'd STILL be in the road by the time I was done.
Old people do the weirdest things.. I saw one blow a snot rocket today. LITERALLY. I was sitting on my back porch waiting for my next door neighbor to come out so I could stare uncomfortably while she talked to her sister (ya know, the usual) when this tall sweaty beast man came jogging by..fast enough to sweat, slow enough to judge. I could hear him swishing up past my house though, friggin wind suit gave him away, when the swishing slowed and I saw his hand reach up with enough form to say "hey world, we've done this before", to his nose and with one gasping breath that son of a bee sting pushed forth what could only be described by the sounds of gagging. Then he checked to make sure he didn't hit himself with it, picked his pace back up and kept going.
I wish he would've been crossing the street...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)