I Lick Brick

As if my day to day life wasn't complicated or full of public bafoonery enough, I walked in public and tried to be professional.... tried.

So my short term relationship with my part time job ended abruptly when I, forgot to go to work. Understandably, but that job was like having a girlfriend that was always on her period... looked good on paper but what's the point?? As a result I've begun to look for other jobs.  So, I took to the streets.

I was dressed in black militial style knee high boots, black leggings with the slightest shimmer and a black dress. No, I'm not in mourning but I do like to look skinny... and those were all the things I found on my floor this morning while I was getting out of bed.. VOILA, outfit practically chose itself.

I was feeling confident about my appearance and my matching jacket and purse so I drove into the city feeling like this could be my day, I'm gonna carpe the shit out of some diem. There was an event I guess because every single place I looked to park laughed at me. not out loud, but I could feel those meters judging me. It did seem however that every open space I actually found, also had another driver vying for the spot and I would almost get my car's ass kicked to get into it. After driving through the city I decided to park on the water and just make the trek by foot.. like a road warrior.

I took my cute boots and my sweet ass up to the street with the places I was interested in obtaining employment...with no troubles.. easy peezy baby. I should have known as the crisp air breezed through my long hair and the touch of winter pressed on my lips that my painless, easy trip was soon to be ruined by the ever failing feet I call my own.

I dont know if any of my fellow city street walkers are aware but the sidewalks of Portland are a deadly game of slip and slide by the Devil's hand. I took such a fall you could call me "Season" and I am quite literally, surprised I didn't break the ground with my schnoz. It might not have been so bad if I couldn't add the fact that my beloved leggings had fallen half way down my ass to the list of things that had suddenly gone drastically wrong. Luckily, the way my purse came flying onto my face prevented the traffic jammed street from seeing my pain as I yelped out like a Terrier would if it had tried to outrun it's leash.

As quickly as I had fallen, I picked myself up. I made sure my applications were still in my purse and not spread on the sidewalk with my dignity. When I'd determined all was well and that I didnt recognize any of the eyes watching me, I darted for my car. Now I sit wrapped in a fleece blanket because I can still feel the chill of the red brick on my neck... I fear I shall never recover.

I wonder if I should put "resilient bottom pillows" and "can take a blow to my face" to my list of qualifications for the job...

I'm just trying to get a big tip.