"when i leave brush my teeth with a bottle of jack and when i leave for the night i ain't comin back...." hint: if your favorite lyrics are written by a female who writes her name with a dollar sign and dresses in trashbags... your opinion can never be considered valid as you too, are a disgrace to vagina population. monologue THAT!
I dont understand girls and their facebooks. We post EVERYTHING on there, only to be really pissed off when someone else makes a comment about it. what did you expect other users or 'friends' to do, pretend you're not there. you'd get mad if they hid you or deleted you.. so if you don't like the attention, keep it to yourself....or tell a chatty cathy and she'll let everyone else know behind your backn and pull the 'but dont say anything' the whole conversation so you wont know we know.. win/win, hooker!
which brings me to next rant.
this is on my hate list, but also my love list ( and i only love it because it gives me something to hate)... when girls will post pictures of quotes about 'i'm a real woman, if you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best.." WELL let's break it down.. you could be a phenomenal female with so many wonderful qualities but if youre in PMS mode 24/7 and the only time you're bearable is when you're in a coma because we spiked your bartles and jaymes with melatonin, you're probably not being dumped because the man's not strong enough, you're alone because the men..dont like that shit. cut it out.
you can't actually believe posting a picture of marilyn monroe quoting how young and free we should be, is going to validate you or persuade anyone who might've thought differently before. It actually perpetuates others hate.. Posting a picture of something nice on a social network doesn't take away from the fact you wore a half a mini skirt to the bar (and getting into one in the Old Port with a dress code, doesnt mean you look classy FYI) and had your photo smeared all over their webpage doing shots with randoms and getting carried out by the bouncers. stop kidding yourself. if you act like a trashbag, you'll get thrown out like trash does.
I'm more likely to give a high five and pat on the ass to the chick that puts herself out there, as she actually is. for instance, i'd like to see a status that says "i woke up this morning after having an awful dream that my boyfriend cheated on me, i knew it wasn't real but i was mad at him all day anyway. i am being irrational but i dont care, i';m gonna make him pay because i need to blame somebody" Pretty sure that'd get alot more likes because the rest of us would be thinking "phew, someone else does it too"
Or... "Instead of going out to sushi with my best friend today i have to do laundry becaues for the last two weeks i've come home from work and felt sorry for myself and ate ice cream while i watched rock center with the sound off, because brian williams looks good despite what he's actually saying. who needs to be heard when you can rock that tie, so hard?!!"
i know i'd be the first to comment "PREACH IT!!"
brian williams is sexy. i dont care who knows it. but if he were to get in a fight with anderson cooper, my whole world would shatter.
but i digress....
1.27.2013
Oil of O'Laid.
being sexy for some is wearing make up and wearing a well stuck thongs, while for me... i'd be better served sitting on my couch, with a bag over my head.
i dont know how girls in porn make showering look so good or so easy. They stand there, their hair perfectly soaking up the hot water (but not everyone uses soap, so beware) and it falls so beautifully down their face. Their waterproof mascara doesn't come dripping off their lashes resulting in a permashadow on your cheeks. Sidenote, can we just come to an agreement that waterproof simply means, "can't frigging wash it off later" When they run their hands through their hair, their fingers dont get stuck on a hair knot caused by the stupid amount of hairsppray and gel used to kick a cowlick's ass.
Porn girls have perfect tanlines and they're so well put together. My tan lines, regardless of how many Sun Tan City sessions I put in look like I lay on the sun with a plank on my chest. I can't get those little suckers to take some color! My boobs pigmentation is casper and i need to deal with that. Whew.. coming to terms is hard.
Porn girls also, dont seem to have any vision problems. When I take my showers I can't wash my face or my damned mascara off without having at least one, if not both, of my contacts curling into the back of my eye. Then, I get nervous it'll get lodged back there or find it's way to my brain and come out my ear so I reach for it.. before rinsing the soap off my hands. So in my attempt to save my vision I almost blind myself. This doesn't feel good, in fact it's painful so it throws off my balance.. which inevitably ends in me slipping and hitting my face off my conditioner. Once my head knocks over all my necessities, I try to pick it up but slip on the bottle of body wash that's fallen in the mess and land on my razor that I can't ever, ever seem to remember to recap.
I'm gonna google how to shower like a porn star and maybe take some pointers. I have never seen one exfoliate, so I might have to add that on my own time.
One thing is for sure, there's not enough maybelline in this world because baby.. I'm just not born with it.
i dont know how girls in porn make showering look so good or so easy. They stand there, their hair perfectly soaking up the hot water (but not everyone uses soap, so beware) and it falls so beautifully down their face. Their waterproof mascara doesn't come dripping off their lashes resulting in a permashadow on your cheeks. Sidenote, can we just come to an agreement that waterproof simply means, "can't frigging wash it off later" When they run their hands through their hair, their fingers dont get stuck on a hair knot caused by the stupid amount of hairsppray and gel used to kick a cowlick's ass.
Porn girls have perfect tanlines and they're so well put together. My tan lines, regardless of how many Sun Tan City sessions I put in look like I lay on the sun with a plank on my chest. I can't get those little suckers to take some color! My boobs pigmentation is casper and i need to deal with that. Whew.. coming to terms is hard.
Porn girls also, dont seem to have any vision problems. When I take my showers I can't wash my face or my damned mascara off without having at least one, if not both, of my contacts curling into the back of my eye. Then, I get nervous it'll get lodged back there or find it's way to my brain and come out my ear so I reach for it.. before rinsing the soap off my hands. So in my attempt to save my vision I almost blind myself. This doesn't feel good, in fact it's painful so it throws off my balance.. which inevitably ends in me slipping and hitting my face off my conditioner. Once my head knocks over all my necessities, I try to pick it up but slip on the bottle of body wash that's fallen in the mess and land on my razor that I can't ever, ever seem to remember to recap.
I'm gonna google how to shower like a porn star and maybe take some pointers. I have never seen one exfoliate, so I might have to add that on my own time.
One thing is for sure, there's not enough maybelline in this world because baby.. I'm just not born with it.
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