Oil of O'Laid.

being sexy for some is wearing make up and wearing a well stuck thongs, while for me...   i'd be better served sitting on my couch, with a bag over my head.


i dont know how girls in porn make showering look so good or so easy. They stand there, their hair perfectly soaking up the hot water (but not everyone uses soap, so beware) and it falls so beautifully down their face.  Their waterproof mascara doesn't come dripping off their lashes resulting in a permashadow on your cheeks.  Sidenote, can we just come to an agreement that waterproof simply means, "can't frigging wash it off later"  When they run their hands through their hair, their fingers dont get stuck on a hair knot caused by the stupid amount of hairsppray and gel used to kick a cowlick's ass.

Porn girls have perfect tanlines and they're so well put together. My tan lines, regardless of how many Sun Tan City sessions I put in look like I lay on the sun with a plank on my chest. I can't get those little suckers to take some color! My boobs pigmentation is casper and i need to deal with that. Whew.. coming to terms is hard.
Porn girls also, dont seem to have any vision problems. When I take my showers I can't wash my face or my damned mascara off without having at least one, if not both, of my contacts curling into the back of my eye.  Then, I get nervous it'll get lodged back there or find it's way to my brain and come out my ear so I reach for it.. before rinsing the soap off my hands. So in my attempt to save my vision I almost blind myself.  This doesn't feel good, in fact it's painful so it throws off my balance.. which inevitably ends in me slipping and hitting my face off my conditioner. Once my head knocks over all my necessities, I try to pick it up but slip on the bottle of body wash that's fallen in the mess and land on my razor that I can't ever, ever seem to remember to recap.

I'm gonna google how to shower like a porn star and maybe take some pointers. I have never seen one exfoliate, so I might have to add that on my own time.

One thing is for sure, there's not enough maybelline in this world because baby.. I'm just not born with it.