Two Birds in the Bush..is safer than one Raven with mace.

It's a beautiful thing when two friends can reconnect, chat and share a love or distaste for the same things. It's an even more beautiful thing to see, when one of those friends goes blind by the hands of the other.

I've seen alot of things this week (with both eyes) including a woman at my office washing her baby boy with a "dewty dewty wittle diwaper" in the bathroom sink, like we don't have a hose outside. I've seen a couple homeless people getting a fight, and one crazy man yelling at himself while on my way to make a deposit (into a bank you sicko). Never, did I see tonight coming. In addition to not seeing it coming, I can't see it now that it's gone.

I came home from work and made some pretty bad.ass.pork.chops. I didn't even mean to, actually. Truthfully, I'd taken the chops out to eat for a late dinner but ended up being too lazy so I threw them in a bag and put them in my fridge-- three days later I remembered it and tonight, I risked poisoning by ingesting it so the best of my stomach's abilities. After I finished dinner, I settled onto the couch with my crossword puzzle and phone in hand.

I texted a couple of my peeps to say hello and found myself making "let's have a glass of wine" plans with a pretty little birdy friend we shall call "the Crow". She caw'd on over and before she even got here I had two glasses balls deep in Delicious Red boxed wine- y'know.. the classy stuff.   It felt good to catch up and listen to the stories of things we'd missed in each other's lives for the past month. It especially feels amazing to be able to pick up right where you left off with someone and that's how you know you've made a real friend. However, I've learned after tonight to err on the side of caution with errbody.

This little lady has recently moved to a part of town referred to as "effin, scary" and has since bought some pepperspray in order to assist in keeping her safe from car to home, in the dark. It sounds like a great idea, but I'm from the woods. I don't know about mace, or weaponry really-- we fight with words and our fists. Nothing else. However, in a city full of different people, different struggles and different motives you have to be ready to attack like Oprah Winfrey would a cupcake. Battle time.

Being as naive as I am, I asked to see the aerosol can that holds hell in it.. I've never seen such a thing. So she obliged. She allowed me to play with it and check it out. This is how that conversation went....

"So this is pepperspray? that's a small bottle!"
"yeah but if it sprays you right in the face it really kicks your ass""have you used it before??" (I asked like the Curious George I am)
"no.. i've never used anything like this.. i denno, i just have it in case..."""well, how do you know that it works?"
"well...i denno. just gonna spray it..."THIS is the point. where bad decision making came into play. First, we just sprayed it real quick to see what it smelled like, because we were curious... when that didn't satisfy our thirst for knowledge Crow asked me if she could spray my wrist (y'know, checking for physical pain on skin; etc) and I agreed. Took a straight shot to the wrist-- nothing. So we both stared at the brownish liquid running down my arm and I said "I don't think it's working, maybe I should try putting it on my eye" that would've been the perfect time for her to say (without smiling) "No Nichole, that's a bad idea... DON'T" but instead she said "hehe.. oohh. hehehehe. i denno if that's a good idea" all the while staring me dead in my eyes as if to say "effin righhhtttt, do it!!!!" SO. Being the protective and cautious friend I am.. I put my left forefinger on my wrist and ever so gently, dabbled my finger tip in the juice on my wrist and lifted it to my eye and pressed down on the corner. nothing. not a damn thing happened. WHAT?! that's crazy-- it doesnt make any sense. So I began to think this was crap mace and she got jipped on her costs, so I exclaim "I can't feel anything, prolly not working..." and hate to say it now, but she kinda looked disappointed too. So, I put my forefinger back to my wrist and took a little more juice and raised it back to my eye... but this time... I went like pocket Aces on a run... all in.

I can say whole hearted it felt like I was trying to birth a fiery devil from my left pupil. My entire body temperature rose a good ten degrees and my eye immediately shut down, like a bank on Christmas. Boom. vaulted. not going anywhere.  I ran to the bathroom to flush it out, only problem with that is the fact I'm putting water in the two hands I have covered in pepperspray. So.. no flushing, only blinding.

My eye dilated and turned the craziest color green- I think my eyes turn green when I cry anyway but apparently they turn teal when they've been tased with liquid poison. My nose is running, I'm choking on the taste and my eye is quivering like our parents did when Madonna's "Like A Virgin" video aired for the first time. It's excruciating.

I finally flushed it out and as I'm standing over my kitchen sink trying to regain sight and balance she claims ever so innocently "i hate to do this, but I have to go..."  If I hadn't hurt a man say that every time things got uncomfortable or I had tears falling from one or both of my eyes I'd say I was surprised- but alas, I am not. Crow left me and I've been sitting on my couch holding the swelling back with a wet paper towel and applying the pressure of overwhelming shame to it.


I think it's working... even my ego's deflated.